The 10 minute fix for financial resentment

Resentment builds quietly. I used to carry the full mental load of our finances, bills, planning, trying to make sure everything was “sorted.” Here’s the exact exercise that helped shift that weight, and how we used it in our own relationship.

The 10 minute fix for financial resentment

Resentment builds quietly.

I shared a story on LinkedIn a couple weeks ago about how I used to carry the full mental load of our finances, bills, planning, trying to make sure everything was “sorted.”

How to Share the Weight of Financial Stress with Your Partner | Ash Shah DipPFS posted on the topic | LinkedIn
You should give up. Not on your goals. Not on your relationship. But on the idea that you have to carry everything on your own. I’ve fallen into this pattern too many times. I’ve taken it all on, the bills, the planning, making sure everything was “sorted”because I thought that was the right thing to do. Part of me wanted to protect my partner from the stress, and part of me didn’t want to admit that I didn’t have all the answers. But I’ve learned the hard way that keeping it inside doesn’t create peace of mind. It just creates more uncertainty for both of us. She can sense when I’m carrying the weight, even if I don’t say it out loud. And it’s only when we put everything on the table that the pressure starts to ease. That’s the real solution here. Not just talking about money, but actually putting it down on paper so you can both see the full picture. When everything’s written out, income, spending, savings, debt, goals, the weight shifts. It stops being one person’s silent burden and becomes something you’re both handling together. That’s when the real conversations happen. That’s when trust builds. And that’s when you start making decisions as a team, not as individuals carrying separate loads. Sometimes couples can do this on their own. Other times, it helps to have someone guide the process. That’s where a Financial Planner can help. Not to tell you what to value, but to make the picture clear, so both partners understand where they stand and what their options are. You don’t need to have all the answers yourself. You just need a way to share the weight and see the path forward together. That’s how you get real peace of mind and break the endless cycle of fighting over unnecessary things.

I thought I was protecting my partner.

But all it really did was isolate us both.

Here’s the exact exercise that helped shift that weight, and how we used it in our own relationship.

The Mental Load Reliever

Do this together. It only takes 10 minutes, but it clears the fog.

  1. We both wrote down what we felt responsible for.
    I wrote things like “finding the best value car,” “building our investments,” “getting through the mortgage process.”
    She wrote: “asking if we’re okay financially,” “being conscious not to overspend,” “not knowing if we’re on track.”
  2. We compared our lists.
    That’s when I realised, I hadn’t been sharing the numbers. She could feel the stress I was under but had no idea what it was about. I thought I was protecting her, but she felt more anxious being in the dark.
  3. We made a simple snapshot:
    • Monthly income (combined)
    • Outgoings (mortgage, bills, car, etc.)
    • Savings + any debts
    • What we’re working toward (holiday, overpayments, house projects)
  4. We circled one murky area: the car purchase and agreed to talk through it that week.

You don’t need to solve everything at once. But writing it down together changes the energy.

Try this, even if it’s messy at first, and notice how the pressure starts to shift.

If you'd like some help with having this conversation with your partner, I'm here for a chat.