The 10 minute fix for financial resentment
Resentment builds quietly. I used to carry the full mental load of our finances, bills, planning, trying to make sure everything was “sorted.” Here’s the exact exercise that helped shift that weight, and how we used it in our own relationship.
Resentment builds quietly.
I shared a story on LinkedIn a couple weeks ago about how I used to carry the full mental load of our finances, bills, planning, trying to make sure everything was “sorted.”
I thought I was protecting my partner.
But all it really did was isolate us both.
Here’s the exact exercise that helped shift that weight, and how we used it in our own relationship.
The Mental Load Reliever
Do this together. It only takes 10 minutes, but it clears the fog.
- We both wrote down what we felt responsible for.
I wrote things like “finding the best value car,” “building our investments,” “getting through the mortgage process.”
She wrote: “asking if we’re okay financially,” “being conscious not to overspend,” “not knowing if we’re on track.” - We compared our lists.
That’s when I realised, I hadn’t been sharing the numbers. She could feel the stress I was under but had no idea what it was about. I thought I was protecting her, but she felt more anxious being in the dark. - We made a simple snapshot:
- Monthly income (combined)
- Outgoings (mortgage, bills, car, etc.)
- Savings + any debts
- What we’re working toward (holiday, overpayments, house projects)
- We circled one murky area: the car purchase and agreed to talk through it that week.
You don’t need to solve everything at once. But writing it down together changes the energy.
Try this, even if it’s messy at first, and notice how the pressure starts to shift.
If you'd like some help with having this conversation with your partner, I'm here for a chat.
